Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
