I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
