why didn't you poke me back
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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