Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
