i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
