Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
