did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
