So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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