Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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