My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
