Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
the day after is always just damage control
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
