So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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