Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
