Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
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Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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