What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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