Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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