Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
