he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
