Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
