Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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