I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
