all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
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What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
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I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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