Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
