Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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