My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
