Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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