I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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