You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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