first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
