I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
