Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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