What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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