I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
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My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
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Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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