I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
