so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
