You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
