You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
