Your face is a jimmy john
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
