Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
