I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
