I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
