Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
