then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
