I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
