did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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