Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
