worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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