just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
