you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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