Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
