sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"