I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.