She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Are we still banned from the library?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.