yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online