I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life