I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!