so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
23 People Confess The Lamest Things They’ve Ever Done To Fit In
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
These 27 Texts Prove Pets Make Better BFFs Than Humans
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.