remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.