drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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