do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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