Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
