Got a toothbrush?
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
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