I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize