she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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