Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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